Jesus Saves?

I've turned into an old man. I can't seem to stay awake to watch the NFL night games. Last night, for MNF's Dallas / Washington game, I was only able to make it through about halfway into the 3rd quarter before my weak-ass dozed off. Goddamn I hate myself. Maybe I need to find god.

I have never sorted out my feelings on god. I KNOW something/someone was looking out for me when I was saved from a potentially horrible situation (E-Dogg and the Bun-in-the-Oven), but I think I'll end up being agnostic for the rest of my life. I'll just try to be a good person and once I die, we'll see what happens. In the meantime, the two most religious people I know are getting fucked. First my co-worker Bill had to go back in for surgery on his half leg to get more cancer removed. Next time I complain, someone remind me of how painful it must be to walk around with a fake leg just after getting MORE flesh removed from the part remaining. God apparently doesn't dish out more than we can take, but fuck that. If he/she/it gives me cancer to the point I lose my leg and then decides it'd be fun to put some more cancer in my stump, I'm pissed and wondering what exactly my worship is doing.

Second, Don of the Cosmo family, found out one of the arteries previously operated on, post coronary, was completely blocked again. Considering he's Pentecostal (read evangelism), I would have thought the spirit of god would run through his system and heal him... as many others of that religion believe. Looks like god IS running through his circulatory system. But he isn't healing. He's busy leaving bits of Jesus fat along the walls of his arteries to try and stop his heart. Pretty fucked up if you ask me. Maybe religion gives both of these guys something to look forward to. Whatever helps I guess, but it seems to me that god is shortening the time to get there.