So I'm driving home and the best thing that's happened to me all week takes place. I'm on 94 and I'm going for the Willow Run exit. I see the cars coming down the on-ramp, but I figure that since I'm doing 85 and there's about a full mile of opportunity to merge ONTO the highway AND I have the right of way, the lead car will let me pass and then he'll get over. Needless to say, he didn't. So jackass going 50 pulls right out in front of me (again, going 85) and I slam on my brakes. I do a little honky-honk to let him know that he's at fault here as I merge over to the right. What I saw next was almost indescribable.
Captain Mullet!!!
I knew he had to be Captain Mullet because I haven't seen a mullet of that caliber since Barry Melrose in the early '90's. Unbeknownst to me, Captain Mullet has the power to drive with his ass firmly placed on the driver's side of the Billy-Ray-Mobile whilst having his shoulders and head in the passenger side. Furthermore, his mullet must allow for at least a 270 degree field of vision as his regular "people eyes" were fully fixated on me; I was directly to the right of him. You'd think that there could be no more super-powers of the Human Mullet but alas, I witnessed "the ultimate one" of his broad range of powers: You're Number One. As pissed off as I was today, especially on my long drive home and after he cut me off, "You're Number One" and the siting of Captain Mullet makes me feel all warm and cushy inside.
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