Jesus Saves?

I've turned into an old man. I can't seem to stay awake to watch the NFL night games. Last night, for MNF's Dallas / Washington game, I was only able to make it through about halfway into the 3rd quarter before my weak-ass dozed off. Goddamn I hate myself. Maybe I need to find god.

I have never sorted out my feelings on god. I KNOW something/someone was looking out for me when I was saved from a potentially horrible situation (E-Dogg and the Bun-in-the-Oven), but I think I'll end up being agnostic for the rest of my life. I'll just try to be a good person and once I die, we'll see what happens. In the meantime, the two most religious people I know are getting fucked. First my co-worker Bill had to go back in for surgery on his half leg to get more cancer removed. Next time I complain, someone remind me of how painful it must be to walk around with a fake leg just after getting MORE flesh removed from the part remaining. God apparently doesn't dish out more than we can take, but fuck that. If he/she/it gives me cancer to the point I lose my leg and then decides it'd be fun to put some more cancer in my stump, I'm pissed and wondering what exactly my worship is doing.

Second, Don of the Cosmo family, found out one of the arteries previously operated on, post coronary, was completely blocked again. Considering he's Pentecostal (read evangelism), I would have thought the spirit of god would run through his system and heal him... as many others of that religion believe. Looks like god IS running through his circulatory system. But he isn't healing. He's busy leaving bits of Jesus fat along the walls of his arteries to try and stop his heart. Pretty fucked up if you ask me. Maybe religion gives both of these guys something to look forward to. Whatever helps I guess, but it seems to me that god is shortening the time to get there.

Pickin' up and Movin' on

Wednesday I took the day off of work. I justify it as a "personal day". Fuck them anyway. I'm hourly so it's not like they have to pay me. Thursday rolls around just after lunch my boss asks me to "come with" him for a minute with a serious look on his face. I'm thinking, "oh shit. I took one too many days off and now I'm fucked". Then he tells me that we're going to a quick meeting with his boss. Oh FUCK. I get in there, shit my pants, wipe my clammy-ass hands on my pants and sit down... in my own shit. Face all hot, he begins to tell me that he wants to make me a more integral part of the company and blah blah blah... To be honest, I don't know exactly what they said to me after that because once I found out I wasn't fired I sorta just smiled and nodded my head a lot. Right now I feel a little bit like Peter Givens. I do just enough to not get fired and they end up giving me more responsibility.

TJ got a call from some company he applied to down in Columbus. I'm sorta hoping that he'll elect to stick around the Detroit-Metro area and keep his existing job at 1270 The Sports Station, but I completely understand if he moves to O.H.10 for more money. Problem is, Dr Dro and I will be bending over and taking it in the rear when it comes time to pay bills. I'd ask EB, but he's stuck... that's probably why he's been so depressed. Along with someone else I know, EB is forced to do what he NEEDS to do instead of what he WANTS to do. Damn responsibilities! DAMN THEM TO HELL! Getting older sucks. What happened to the days of innocence when your parents were on welfare but you were too happy doing stupid kid shit to notice?

Nothing better than Frank n' Beans & Beer

For my homo-lover:
EB: Why don't cats and dogs get along?
DEF: Because they fuckin' suck.

Today I was listening to the AM Sports radio on my way home and the station that I don't normally like actually had a good topic of discussion. Nasty things that people have had done to them or to someone they know. One caller mentioned blowing a snot rocket into someone's coffee and then stirring it with his unit. Another caller spoke of "the poopie dollar". Someone took a dump and placed the turd outside on a sidewalk. Then he placed a dollar bill over the nugget and just observed the fun. Needless to say, if I get drunk enough, I'd love to do the poopie dollar.
All of this talk on the AM got me to thinking about the time I was partying up in Canadia with Shane-O and Bogs. At some point in the night, some douche was sitting awkwardly and not paying attention to the beer he had in his had. Nonchalantly, Bogs unzips his jeans and pulls his beans out from his garden. He then casually walks up to the bottle of beer (still in the douchbags hand) and places them gently on the lip of the bottle. In a case of extreme drunken care that I have yet to witness again he stood there, balls on newly crowned king of beers for what seemed like 5 minutes while everyone laughed and rolled on the floor like giddy asian school-girls who just made their first 10,000 Yen after sucking off a Japanese businessman.

Rollin' rollin' rollin'...

Seriously cockfaces, how difficult is it to put the new roll of TP on the holder? This is a public restroom here at work and who knows how often the damn place is cleaned. PLEASE don't set the freshly unwrapped roll of toiletpaper on the floor or on the handicapped rail. Who knows what's crawling on there? Simply remove the empty paperboard roll from the holder and put the new roll in it's place. I don't need to be wiping my ass with toiletpaper that's pre shit on. Thank you.

Chariots of Fire

So I'm driving home and the best thing that's happened to me all week takes place. I'm on 94 and I'm going for the Willow Run exit. I see the cars coming down the on-ramp, but I figure that since I'm doing 85 and there's about a full mile of opportunity to merge ONTO the highway AND I have the right of way, the lead car will let me pass and then he'll get over. Needless to say, he didn't. So jackass going 50 pulls right out in front of me (again, going 85) and I slam on my brakes. I do a little honky-honk to let him know that he's at fault here as I merge over to the right. What I saw next was almost indescribable.

Captain Mullet!!!

I knew he had to be Captain Mullet because I haven't seen a mullet of that caliber since Barry Melrose in the early '90's. Unbeknownst to me, Captain Mullet has the power to drive with his ass firmly placed on the driver's side of the Billy-Ray-Mobile whilst having his shoulders and head in the passenger side. Furthermore, his mullet must allow for at least a 270 degree field of vision as his regular "people eyes" were fully fixated on me; I was directly to the right of him. You'd think that there could be no more super-powers of the Human Mullet but alas, I witnessed "the ultimate one" of his broad range of powers: You're Number One. As pissed off as I was today, especially on my long drive home and after he cut me off, "You're Number One" and the siting of Captain Mullet makes me feel all warm and cushy inside.

Pulling Weight

It has come to my attention as of late that perhaps people aren't pulling their weight. Who you may ask? How about everyone? While some of us MAY have grown up getting help around the house from a mother, maid, sister, etc... that's called a benefit. Don't hate. I also think it's hilarious that none of what is actually done to help someone is recognized. Just look at what someone ISN'T doing instead of what's being done to help. Then again, this is coming from the same people that generally look at what there is to hate about Bush for reasons of voting for Kerry and not actually looking at what Kerry plans (although I too am one of these people). Look at the big picture and quit pointing fingers.

Work Daze

Today is another boring day at work *knock on wood*. As a matter of fact, the highlight of the workday was my post-lunch, afternoon dump. I know I take a long time on the yitter anyway, but I like to drag the shits out on days like today.
So I'm sitting in there messing with my phone and I start to go through my pictures I've taken. The phone is getting sorta full of needless shite pics so I'm going through deleting them. Then I switch to taking various pictures of the bathroom stall because let's face it, bathroom stalls are full of exciting photo opps: The hadicap-railing. The tiled floor. I even changed my screen saver to a picture of a sailboat that was on the shit-spray can. Kinda neat if you ask me.
Then a stroke of genius hits me and I point the camera phone at my cock. Holy shit it's amazing how large my dong looked on the little 1.5" screen. Then I even fiddled with the "photo effects" built into the phone. So there I was, staring at a picture of my cock on my cell phone in black & white, sepia, and even negative formats... highlight of my day.

The End of an Era

I think it's just easier this way. At least with this blogger thing, I can update from anywhere w/out the need to look up html coding. Seeing as how my major helped me get a job coding html and all...... fuckin EMU.

Horray for NFL Football!

DougEFresh.Net Going Down?

Say it aint so, but it's possible. I need to pay my domain fee, but I'm thinking about killing it. Anyone care?