We have a winner for the best music video of the year folks. Sheeeeiit, this is song of the year, video of the year, artist of the year. You name the award, and this artist and his video needs to be at the top to win it. Without futher ado, I give you Touch My Tralala. WARNING! Put on some Depends before you start the video, you'll probably poop yourself. A very special thank you goes out to Barry Eye for sending me the link to this little gem.
Friday, October 29, 2004
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Who needs religion?
I was driving home when it suddenly dawned on me that I've already had religious experiences... even if I'm not a church goer. I also realized that I suck at articulating meaning behind what I say so bear with me on this one.
I dated a completely non-religious, if not atheist chick. Never in my life had I ever felt more guilty. I'll go so far as to compare this chick to being catholic... that's what catholisism is all about right? Feeling guilty? Sure. Just like the catholic church where people go to confession and make shit up just so they could say they went, I'd talk to her about superficial bullshit to allow her and myself to feel, temporarily, at ease. Hell, talking is what it's all about right? Just say some shit about something simple to put the band-aid on. Ignore signs that the mole is just a sign of the melanoma quickly spreading throughout your body. We pressed on... feeling guilty but looking good... because we were good church goers, doing the normal church/relationship things. I stuck with it feeling it was the right thing to do. That's what good catholics do right? Regardless of how guilty the church/woman makes you feel for not praying/spending enough time, donating/spending money on her, and believing jesus is my savior/I'm nothing without her, you stick with religion/the woman because it's the right thing to do.
I eventually saw the light. Just like catholisism, what works for a lot of people didn't work for me. Do I regret it? No. I spent a year with her. Sometimes it was good, mostly it was bad. It taught me that I need to have my own way to worship a woman as well as the right woman to worship.
I dated a completely non-religious, if not atheist chick. Never in my life had I ever felt more guilty. I'll go so far as to compare this chick to being catholic... that's what catholisism is all about right? Feeling guilty? Sure. Just like the catholic church where people go to confession and make shit up just so they could say they went, I'd talk to her about superficial bullshit to allow her and myself to feel, temporarily, at ease. Hell, talking is what it's all about right? Just say some shit about something simple to put the band-aid on. Ignore signs that the mole is just a sign of the melanoma quickly spreading throughout your body. We pressed on... feeling guilty but looking good... because we were good church goers, doing the normal church/relationship things. I stuck with it feeling it was the right thing to do. That's what good catholics do right? Regardless of how guilty the church/woman makes you feel for not praying/spending enough time, donating/spending money on her, and believing jesus is my savior/I'm nothing without her, you stick with religion/the woman because it's the right thing to do.
I eventually saw the light. Just like catholisism, what works for a lot of people didn't work for me. Do I regret it? No. I spent a year with her. Sometimes it was good, mostly it was bad. It taught me that I need to have my own way to worship a woman as well as the right woman to worship.
Monday, October 18, 2004
Inspiration? Where From?
I've come to realize the reason for my unhappiness is my fault. My fear is being alone, but I never really care when I lose someone. I begin to think that the only way I'm going to be happy is to have people around, but I never do shit to keep them there. That's what needs to change. Wake up, appreciate what you have instead of bitching about what you dont. Don't dwell on the fact that you broke up with your girlfriend(s) and be miserable about it when you know that you're better off without her anyway. Basically, quit being a bitch.
Polio (1 of 3 people who read this blog), Best of luck to you in the Peace Corps. Heed EB's advice when you're over there. I know you're already going to because you're not a moron, but do what you can to help people over there and learn something from them. It's always terrible to have someone come back from a place like that and all they have to say is how bad they smell and how "stupid" they are. Bring back the knowledge and teach others in the US about 'em. Oh, have a good time and wear your rubbers.
Polio (1 of 3 people who read this blog), Best of luck to you in the Peace Corps. Heed EB's advice when you're over there. I know you're already going to because you're not a moron, but do what you can to help people over there and learn something from them. It's always terrible to have someone come back from a place like that and all they have to say is how bad they smell and how "stupid" they are. Bring back the knowledge and teach others in the US about 'em. Oh, have a good time and wear your rubbers.
Friday, October 15, 2004
Polio's Bumper Sticker Theme
Here are a couple of my faves that I've seen:
Marriage = (Man) + (Woman)
Call me a liberal commie, but fuck that. Marriage is a union between two loving adults. I'm willing to bet that the percentage of hetero relationships that are abusive is higher than the percentage of homo relationships. I'm also willing to bet that homosexual parents are capable of raising a child just as well as any hetero parents. The problem is, and I'm generalizing here, the people that put bumperstickers on their car stating their definition of marriage are probably worse parents, friends and spouses than a homosexual would / could be. Oh, and unless you're patching up your bumper, you suck for having a bumper sticker on your car in the first place.
Why kill people who kill people just to show that killing people is wrong?
The impact of this really hit me when I saw the John Kerry for President sticker right under it. YES, another liberal commie like me! Regardless of the message and how much I agree with it, you're still a jackass for having a bumpersticker in your rear window.
In the meantime, I have a new favorite SBB chick.
Marriage = (Man) + (Woman)
Call me a liberal commie, but fuck that. Marriage is a union between two loving adults. I'm willing to bet that the percentage of hetero relationships that are abusive is higher than the percentage of homo relationships. I'm also willing to bet that homosexual parents are capable of raising a child just as well as any hetero parents. The problem is, and I'm generalizing here, the people that put bumperstickers on their car stating their definition of marriage are probably worse parents, friends and spouses than a homosexual would / could be. Oh, and unless you're patching up your bumper, you suck for having a bumper sticker on your car in the first place.
Why kill people who kill people just to show that killing people is wrong?
The impact of this really hit me when I saw the John Kerry for President sticker right under it. YES, another liberal commie like me! Regardless of the message and how much I agree with it, you're still a jackass for having a bumpersticker in your rear window.
In the meantime, I have a new favorite SBB chick.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Ahh, Fart-Ass!
EB is a fuckin jerk. I stopped by Sesi Mazda yesterday on my way home just in time to see him close the deal on a new Mazda 3. Nice car... COCK! Take the car I aspired to get and rub it in my face. Thanks FRIEND!
Actually, I'm happy for him. Shit, I need to be if I ever hope to drive it. Congratulations EB. Good choice.
Actually, I'm happy for him. Shit, I need to be if I ever hope to drive it. Congratulations EB. Good choice.
Monday, October 11, 2004
Roll that Beautiful Bean Footage
*edited for content*
Things got a little bit wild on Friday night. Dr Dro got drunk enough to approach the ladies and I couldn't just stand by and let him work the magic on his own. JBone and Stephonia fed me a couple of lines to try and I went to work. I grabbed my chair and dragged it with me over to the table the two ladies and Pedro were sitting at. I dropped my chair off at the empty spot and continued on to the bar for a couple of seconds. I turned around, headed back to the table with the ladies and asked 'em if "This seat was taken". Talk about smooth... I think they giggled at how gay I was, gave eachother the oh-my-god-what-a-loser look. They humored us for around 5 minutes before Dro and I managed to scare them off. We made our way around Pub 13 for another hour or so, joining 2 other groups of girls before we scared them off. Then we headed down to Club Divine
Dr Dro immediately headed for the dance floor to boogie on down. No one else was drunk enough at this point so we hung out at the bar and drank. In a moment of divine inspiration, JBone came up with what is possibly the best pickup line he never used... but I did. Furthermore, it was even approved by the normally conservative Stephonia; a rarity indeed. So I walk up to this group of girls who look like they're enjoying themselves and ask them if they're having a good time. The "face" of the group looks at me kinda funny and says, "Yeah". I proceed to ask them if they're "going wild". She again looks confused and says, "I guess so, yeah." I then ask them if they're "going nuts" and I point to my crotch. Looking like a confused puppy she replies with, "What?". So I calmly as again, "Are you going nuts?" and I point down again. At this point, the chick looks down at my junkyard [Edited to protect the innocent] she screams, "EEeeeeeewwwww!" and pushes me.
What can a person do at this point? Not knowing, I just headed for the bathroom. Needless to say, I got a few strange looks in the bathroom while I was standing at the urinal peeing all over the place. After I was done pissing all over the wall, I made a roundabout path over to the bar where Stephonia and JBone were waiting for me. There they were talking to the ladies about the package I had just given them and I'll be damned if they all thought it was funny... except the chick who pushed me of course. I ended up talking to "Dusty Bottoms" for most of the night and eventually worked her out of her phone number. Dro stole it from me later and tried to eat it before he realized that she has friends and he'd only be fucking himself so he handed the wet napkin back.
Things got a little bit wild on Friday night. Dr Dro got drunk enough to approach the ladies and I couldn't just stand by and let him work the magic on his own. JBone and Stephonia fed me a couple of lines to try and I went to work. I grabbed my chair and dragged it with me over to the table the two ladies and Pedro were sitting at. I dropped my chair off at the empty spot and continued on to the bar for a couple of seconds. I turned around, headed back to the table with the ladies and asked 'em if "This seat was taken". Talk about smooth... I think they giggled at how gay I was, gave eachother the oh-my-god-what-a-loser look. They humored us for around 5 minutes before Dro and I managed to scare them off. We made our way around Pub 13 for another hour or so, joining 2 other groups of girls before we scared them off. Then we headed down to Club Divine
Dr Dro immediately headed for the dance floor to boogie on down. No one else was drunk enough at this point so we hung out at the bar and drank. In a moment of divine inspiration, JBone came up with what is possibly the best pickup line he never used... but I did. Furthermore, it was even approved by the normally conservative Stephonia; a rarity indeed. So I walk up to this group of girls who look like they're enjoying themselves and ask them if they're having a good time. The "face" of the group looks at me kinda funny and says, "Yeah". I proceed to ask them if they're "going wild". She again looks confused and says, "I guess so, yeah." I then ask them if they're "going nuts" and I point to my crotch. Looking like a confused puppy she replies with, "What?". So I calmly as again, "Are you going nuts?" and I point down again. At this point, the chick looks down at my junkyard [Edited to protect the innocent] she screams, "EEeeeeeewwwww!" and pushes me.
What can a person do at this point? Not knowing, I just headed for the bathroom. Needless to say, I got a few strange looks in the bathroom while I was standing at the urinal peeing all over the place. After I was done pissing all over the wall, I made a roundabout path over to the bar where Stephonia and JBone were waiting for me. There they were talking to the ladies about the package I had just given them and I'll be damned if they all thought it was funny... except the chick who pushed me of course. I ended up talking to "Dusty Bottoms" for most of the night and eventually worked her out of her phone number. Dro stole it from me later and tried to eat it before he realized that she has friends and he'd only be fucking himself so he handed the wet napkin back.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Burning Bush Theory
I have a theory about Dubya Bush and Cheney. Dubya is the born-again holy roller that skips along like a big dumb puppy. Basically, he understands a few commands that his advisers give him, but he generally just blurts the few words he knows out at random times like "terror(ist)", "resolve", "god" and "Saddam". When he's not scaring the American people into thinking we're all gonna die if he's not re-elected, he's busy stomping around the world trying to flex the American muscle of god. Cheney on the other hand is the silent, wife-beater type. Sure, in public he looks like he's a pretty soft-spoken guy. But get him behind closed doors and you'll see why he's had 13 bypass surgeries. I can almost see him bitchslapping Colin Powell and Donald Rumsfeld while Bush sits in the dark corner trying to hide repeating "Cheney is god. Cheney is god."
I caught most of the debates last night between Cheney and Edwards. I find it funny that Edwards talked about how both he and Kerry think define marriage as a man and a woman but those two seem to be all about the homo-love with eachother. Just look at the happy couple on their way to another honeymoon jaunt. Cheney's response to Edwards talking about gay marriage was priceless:
Cheney: Well, Gwen [Gwen Ifill the moderator], let me simply thank the senator for the kind words he said about my family and our daughter. I appreciate that very much.
Ifill: That's it?
Cheney: That's it.
Nice job Dubya. Try to get the Constitution amended with something your VP doesn't even support... jackass. Looks like Cheney couldn't quite beat the homo-hate out of Bush's bible-banging ass.
I caught most of the debates last night between Cheney and Edwards. I find it funny that Edwards talked about how both he and Kerry think define marriage as a man and a woman but those two seem to be all about the homo-love with eachother. Just look at the happy couple on their way to another honeymoon jaunt. Cheney's response to Edwards talking about gay marriage was priceless:
Cheney: Well, Gwen [Gwen Ifill the moderator], let me simply thank the senator for the kind words he said about my family and our daughter. I appreciate that very much.
Ifill: That's it?
Cheney: That's it.
Nice job Dubya. Try to get the Constitution amended with something your VP doesn't even support... jackass. Looks like Cheney couldn't quite beat the homo-hate out of Bush's bible-banging ass.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Ouch
Angel Soft??? Oow. My ass! Look, I'm not expecting to wipe with something that feels like a wisp of silky cloud or Cool Whip, but I'm also anticipating that it not feel like sandpaper with little shards of broken glass either. Don't mislead me with your think-tank brand name. From now on, I think I need to bring my own TP with me to work. I'm sick of feeling like I just slid down the angel of death's scythe bareass every time I finish up the paperwork.
Speaking of whining like a bitch. This is often what my inner-child looks like at least 4 times on any given day.
Speaking of whining like a bitch. This is often what my inner-child looks like at least 4 times on any given day.
Monday, October 04, 2004
I can't wait to hear about Chi-town and how awesome it was. Friends are great... especially for the "I told you so" phrase that I've been hearing so often lately.
Homecoming came and went this past weekend and again, I wasn't able to really hang out for it. Dr Dro needed help with getting his GrandAm running again so I couldn't do the tailgating thing. Wait, what the hell am I talking about. Who tailgates for an EMU football game. They lost to freakin Idaho. Who loses to Idaho?
On a positive note, I got a call from Shane-O on friday. Mostly we talked about the debates, but it was great to hear from him before he leaves for Malawi. I wish him the best of luck. Remember Shane, keep your jimmy hat on.
Homecoming came and went this past weekend and again, I wasn't able to really hang out for it. Dr Dro needed help with getting his GrandAm running again so I couldn't do the tailgating thing. Wait, what the hell am I talking about. Who tailgates for an EMU football game. They lost to freakin Idaho. Who loses to Idaho?
On a positive note, I got a call from Shane-O on friday. Mostly we talked about the debates, but it was great to hear from him before he leaves for Malawi. I wish him the best of luck. Remember Shane, keep your jimmy hat on.
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