I just helped a friend with some college homework yesterday and it reminded me of why I never want to go back to school again. I guess I will never fully understand why someone will write a non-English course textbook with such ridiculous language. Then again, maybe I'm just a moron. Actually, that's probably the case because I don't read books very often... if ever. Maybe 1 every 10 years or so. But why the hell does an art history book need to be written with such hardcore language. It seemed like every noun had at least one obscure adjective used with it. I don't know, it must be me being dumb, but I felt like I needed a dictionary at least once a paragraph just to try and understand whatever the hell the author was writing. Then again, why is it really necessary to write an art history book that way? It's art! Let the works be complicated, not the analysis.

The job is moving along. It took a while, but I'm finally starting to feel like more than dead weight around here... unless you're talking about right now at 10:30am on a Friday and I'm typing away on my blog... in which case I feel useless. I'm not going to take all of the blame though, all of my bosses are gone today and one of my business units is on a golf outing today. Hey, we didn't get invited to the outing so poop on them. I'll type on my blog if I want to.

What is it with people either not putting the TP on the roller or putting it on backwards? If you finish off the roll, toss the cardboard tube into the trash can that's 2 freakin feet away and load up the next one. I can't tell you how many times I see the new roll barely balancing on top of the finished roll. Seriously, is taking a dump THAT difficult that you couldn't possibly concentrate or have the motor skills to poop and change the roll at the same time? It's probably easier than walking and chewing gum... Seriously. I mean, it's not like you have to move. The TP holder is right there. I'm thinking I should post instructions with how to do it and paste it to the wall right above it. There's a reason why the TP holder is there. To keep your shit hands from rubbing all over the roll while you're taking care of the paperwork. Think about that the next time you grab a roll that isn't on the holder.

yay

You know what's awesome? Writing about how cool things are going and then having them get fucked up within the week. The job is beginning to be frustrating due to the lack of training. I keep getting the work piling in, but I have no idea how to do most of it or who to talk to. I suppose that's what happens when working for a large corporation. Really though, I should only be blaming myself. After all... I'm the one that needs to be asking the questions when I have them. And at least I have a job. That's saying a lot here in Michigan and saying a lot more than the poor saps that keep getting laid off can.

The girlfriend and I didn't work out. IMO, it had a lot to do with the distance. Actually, it was probably mostly because of the distance. It caused unneeded stress and turned small problems into large ones. It's a real pain in the ass trying to fight stupid shit out on the phone every time. I found that many things never got resolved because we focused on just not being angry anymore instead of fixing the problems. Face time was fantastic but the rest of the time was... stressful.

So now that I have that extra time and I've been trying to keep my mind off of things, I picked up WoW again. I felt really guilty getting back into it. I'm going to try and take it easy this time around. Try to not stay up too late on work nights or let it be the only thing I talk about with my friends. Who knows what'll happen though. It's a terrific distraction though to escape the everyday bullshit... look at me justifying it again... fucking adiction...

What The?

Wow, it's been a long while since I've been on here blogging away like the good little blogger I never was. What has happened in the past almost 2 years? There's a lot to cover so I'll just put down the short version:

1) Quit playing World of Warcraft
2) Got a Girlfriend
3) Got a new job


For those who care to know more in depth, read on. For the rest who just like the short version, this is the moment you stop reading and go do a google image search for Hayden Panettiere nip slip. Try as you might, she's not only underage, but there aren't any photos of her boobies... yet. Oh, and if you do find some, let me know!

So WoW was becoming more of a chore than anything else so I quit. For those who never played, this wont make much sense to you. Yes, it's a game and it should be fun, but when they released the expansion pack, they took out the "fun factor" and turned the game into a grind. They added all of this new content for everyone to see but make the requisites to see the new shit way too mind-numbing. Rep grinds, difficult instances and late nights took their toll on me so I quit. I still miss the peeps I became friends with during my stay in the world within the world but it's probably better to stay away from that damn game.

On the girlfriend front, I'm actually surprised such a cool chick digs me... and I really didn't have to do much to make it happen. We got set up by her sister who thought she needed to date a "nice guy". Not sure where she got the idea that I was a nice guy but hey, it's working out so far. Whatever, I'm a sappy little bitch and she knows it. They all do.

The new job is the latest "big thing" for me. I have no idea why they hired me but I sure am glad they did. I needed to get out of the position I was in over at my old job. Doing the exact same shit over the past 3 years was enough. Especially with my awesome supervisor who felt the need to talk to me about the differences between breakfast cereals for 20 minutes or the time his wife stubbed her toe and she said "ouch" for another 15. Seriously, this guy had the social ability of a wet block of Gouda. It was always a pleasure to have him come talk to me about fabric softener while I was working on all of the last minute shite that came up on Friday afternoons. Hey cock-poker, how about you stop talking and help out? No? Ok, then get the eff out of my damn face and go talk to someone that gives two shits about your inane life. We shall see how the new job goes. So far, no nutbags bothering me while I try to work so that's good. Now if only I could find someone to train me...

ROCK!!

I had something totally awesome to post about last week, but didn't have time to get to it while at work... so I didn't post it... then completely forgot what it was.

Bogs reminded me that I need to post more often on this damn thing so here I am.

I've been looking to buy a house lately and it's a pain in the ass. First, I called up Rock Financial to find out how much money my poor-ass could get. Speaking of Rock Financial, has anyone else been completely blown away by their recent radio ads? You know what I'm talking about. The ads where it has some really kick-ass 80's style rock guitar riffs and some schmuck singing "The Mortgage Ex---Perts." Then some backup singer chick, "800-333-ROCK!!!!". Then the guy comes back with, "100 years in the League!!". Yeah, by blown away, I dont mean "that's totally lame". I mean it's "so totally kickass that it blows your mind." Yes, David mother-fuckin Hall has finally struck gold with their ad campaign. Nothing says "Home Mortgage" more than White Snake singing 800-333-ROCK. Fuck you "Here I go Again", Hello Rock Financial.

Yeah, so getting all of this mortgage shit taken care of blows ass. Then I had to look at a realtor to help me find a house. I get this email from her this weekend letting me know that I'm too poor to afford anything. I'm beginning to think that me and my life-partner, DrDro, are gonna end up renting for the rest of our lives. We'll be the happy little homo-family renting for the rest of our miserable lives... with our 2.5 kids: 2 cats and a retarded dog.

Wish me luck with my corporate job this week. I cant say why right now, but I need it.

I dont know why because I never really liked the holiday, but I'm actually looking forward to having the kids stop by tonight to get candy. No, I dont like little boys and girls "in that way". I just think it's awesome to see how happy they get when I throw 5 candybars into their little pumpkin containers. I'm gonna end up being one of those crazy fuckers that goes overboard with all the decorations later in life... I can feel it brewing inside of me. Happy Halloween!

Bright light! BRIGHT LIGHT!!!

Just caught Gremlins 2 on HBO the other day... man what a terrible movie. First one, good. Second one, roasted shit on a stick.

Hey Luke Skytalker, you're a social retard. Fuck off.

My ass actually hurts right now from sitting on it too much. It's too bad I'm not fat so I'd have more cushion and could sit longer... but I guess sitting for more than 14 hours a day really isn't necessary since that's what I already manage to do. I'm beginning to form a slight beer gut, my eyes are getting worse, I have constant shit-taste in my mouth, and I'm about as pale as a non read-head can get. Yes, I'm playing way too much WoW. Stay away from this evil game people. Stay away.

I'm finally going to be leaving my safe little basement this weekend for the Sunshiny beaches of San Diego. Maybe I'll even head down to Tijuanna and see how many VDs I can get from the hookers. Who am I kidding? To all of the image-conscious people in the the Southwest, I'm going to end up looking like Paul Pfeiffer. I'm so in.

I fuckin hate flying.

Standing in front of the fan when someone shits in it

First, the good news. CPB emailed me back and I'm gonna make an effort to keep in touch now. Who knows what we're calling eachother now; friends, cocks, aquaintences, former lovers... We'll just see how things go. Gotta get out for a beer with him in Ypsi.

Now the funny news. Seems as though EB got into a little bit of trouble for writing some comment about his ex fucking a meat-head. What a joke. Granted, EB did fly off the handle a little bit, but he in no way, shape or form said anything about her cheating on him. He stated that since he didn't know why the fuck she broke it off and the only reason she could come up with (and a really dumb one at that) was because she'd be moving to CA eventually. When's eventually you might ask. Hmm... recent estimates point to about 1 year. That's right ladies and gentlemen, her reasoning was to break up with him was because she would probably be moving to CA in about a year. I call shenanigans!

To top this all off, since she's a soccer chick living with other soccer chicks, they all have the sorority mentality and come running to her aid like EB did something wrong. Heaven forbid he actually be upset at the fact she broke up with him for quite possibly the dumbest reason ever... or at least wont tell him the truth. Then he states that maybe she'd rather bang some muscle-fuck meat-head. What chick doesn't want to be fucked and mistreated by some jackoff who goes into a 'roid induced Hulk-rage at the drop of a hat? At least he looks good, right ladies? Anyway, back to the pack mentality... So these girls and their soccer-club are pretty much a gumbo of sorority-life with all of the backstabbing, crying, beauty-queen drama mixed with a thick gravy of testosterone from workouts and training. Not to mention these are the same girls that cheat on their boyfriends. Maybe that's why EB's comment struck a chord. Perhaps he's on to your little game, ladies?

And yes, I'm in the defend EB club.

Stay the hell away from me if you know what's good for ya...

Holy shit, what a summer so far. I'm still a dateless basement troll, but so far it seems like a better situation to be in compared to some people I know. Left and right people are going through rough times with their significant others. Tough times people... hot ass, steamy weather and shitty relationship issues. Not a good mix.

Looks like EB is heading out to go hiking or camping or some other homo-erotic outdoorsy, tree-humping thing. No idea who he's going with, but I hope he gets some well-deserved ass. Remember EB, just make sure he drinks a lot of liquor first so he'll be more open to the idea.